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SAHM vs Working Moms

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Why is OK with most people that I am still a SAHM when my youngest is 22 and sick, but if he was healthy I would be considered lazy by most standards?  Why is there such a basis aganist stay at home moms? We do work very hard and most of us do a lot of charity work. Any insight from either side would be helpful.
skaro964 (L5) posted May 06, 2012

Who cares what other people think....are you happy? does your husband mind?

encorez (L0) posted May 06, 2012


My mom was a mother & homemaker her entire life. Dad worked outside the house and mom worked inside the house. Even after us five kids were gone she still kept a full day but was able to do more crafts so that all of got several quilts each and she also did tons of babysitting for all of us that had our own children. Mom wasn't lazy, she worked at least eight hours a day everyday (not five days a week). Being a homemaker is just as valid a choice as working a paying job outside the home.

erick99 (L3) posted May 06, 2012


I think jealousy may factor into it.

Granted, I'm not sure I'd call a woman who stays at home with a healthy 22 year old (who may not even be living at home) still a stay at home mom. But, I'd conclude maybe she can just afford not to work or would prefer not to for some reason (maybe to do charity work, tend to ailing parents, maybe she is sick herself, etc...) It's really no one's business but I would probably not conclude she was just being lazy.

MHT962 (L5) posted May 06, 2012


Live your life like I do... Do you know these other people? Do they pay your bills, impact your life or mean anything to you? Then forget them!

quartrhoss (L1) posted May 06, 2012


Who says stay at home moms are considered lazy? My wife had to work most of her life out of neccissity. I dont want her to work any longer. Shes been staying home for 4 years now, our kids grades skyrocketed through the roof, ever bill is paid the same day it comes. Hell no, shes staying home.

Acidbaby (L5) posted May 06, 2012


My mother-in-law is a SAHM even though the only kids left at home are self-sufficient enough that she could work if she wanted to. The only thing is that she had 6 kids and was out of the "working game" for so long that, at her age, it would be very hard for her to get a job in her area of expertise. I certainly do not think she is lazy. She is involved with many charities and, on top of it all, she has a bunch of people about whom to worry and I think worrying can be a full time job :)

VirginiaPeanuts (L5) posted May 06, 2012


What's a Mom Worth in 2012?


mdgirl (L5) posted May 06, 2012


^ Cool article.
I don't think the people who think there's a stigma with SAHMs understand the job. It works for some people while it doesn't for others. I don't think I could be a SAHM in the future but I would do it if it made more economic sense than hiring a babysitter.
However, there ARE lazy SAHMs but those are just lazy people. Their kids may be under the care of someone else so that both parents can go out, work, and earn/save money but they still don't work... I'm just speaking about a certain individual in mind and will stop before I start ranting!

arsiel (L5) posted May 06, 2012


It's interesting that you feel that way, because sometimes I feel judged for being a working mom! I think it comes down to what encorez and quartrhoss said, these people really have no stake in your life and you should pay them no mind.

Being a homemaker is rough! Don't even ask me how much laundry I have to get to b/c work and school own my life, and on days off I get to clean up, etc. It's a balancing act when you've got kids in the mix. It's your family, and I imagine you are happy and living decently the way you are, kudos to you!

I also agree with arsiel, there are lazy people who are SAHMs and there are those like yourself that are SAHMs.

dealwagger (L5) posted May 06, 2012