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An Open Letter to Single Moms

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April 10, 2016 · 2.8k Views
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This Mother’s Day, we’d like to include several heartfelt notes we found on the web in honor of all single mothers. This Mother’s Day, we just want to let you know, we love you single moms (or sometimes not-so-single), for all that you do and all that you continue to do alone. There must have been rough times and certainly times of doubt but you’ve made it through some of the toughest obstacles life has to offer and for that, you deserve all the love and appreciation on this day.

Based on statistical data from 2014, of all single parent families, single mothers make up the majority by 83% for all single parent families. Dive in deeper on a breakdown of how single moms fare in today’s society:

 


 


An Open Letter to Single Mom's this Mother's Day 

 

From Courtney Whitaker

Dear Mom,

As you face the day to day struggles of being a single mother, I would like to remind you of a few things. You are a beautiful testament of what motherhood should be and you should never forget that. You are strong, beautiful, intelligent and extremely hard working. There is no one on this Earth like you.

Although, it may seem like your children, are too busy and consumed with their own lives. You are still the center of it. You taught us how to love, how to thrive and how to be exceptional.  Without you, we would not exist.

I know, at times it may seem like you will never find someone to love you again. But, you should always remember, the right person will come when you stop looking. However, when that person finally comes, you should know, that you will have someone in your corner, ready to read him his rights and give him the third degree.

When things get tough financially, know that your children are here. If possible, we will provide for you and give you the world. It’s the number #1 reason why we work as hard as we do. One day, you will get your dream house and your dream car. For me, Cynthia will get a red two door Mercedes with only enough room for her purse and our dog Pebbles.

Today, I just want you to know how loved and appreciated you are. You are our rocks. We love you more than you will ever know. Thank you for the love, the inspiration, the life lessons and for being the woman who you are.

I love you Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.

Love, Courtney

 

From Jennifer Maggio

There are some of you out there, right now, who feel you cannot go on. You have done all you know how to do. You have pressed, pulled, pushed, cried, screamed, and prayed, and it just hasn’t seemed like enough.

Some of you cannot believe you are here. You never planned it this way. It didn’t seem like life’s path for you, but nevertheless, here you are.

Others of you cannot believe you are still here. You’ve been a single mom for far longer than you wanted to be and are simply sick and tired of being alone.

Listen to me, mom. Here is what I know for sure.

You may be beat down, but you aren’t conquered.

You may be weary, but you are not finished.

You will make it through. You will.

When I was a young single mom with toddlers pulling at my pant leg, life was a blur. It was busy, exhausting, and overwhelming. I cried more than I slept. I feared more than I prayed. I didn’t think anyone understood and I was certain that my children’s lives were ruined and they wouldn’t turn out okay.

Many years later, I am on the other side of parenting, as those toddlers are now young adults. And I can tell you with certainty that you will be okay, and so will your children.

Your Heavenly Father is walking with you. He sees you. He stands in your corner. He loves you, calls you blessed, chosen, redeemed, transformed, hope-filled, and free.

 

From Noelle Griffin

Mom,

I tend to just get you the heartfelt cards for mother's day and your birthday because they usually sum it up pretty well and sound way more heartfelt than I could ever be. However, I want to just take a second to tell you how I really feel, the best I can (so bear with me).

Thank you for everything that you have done. Thank you for doing it all. Did you know that, on average 50% of all marriages end in divorce? That is insane. In other words, being a single parent is not an uncommon thing. You aren't alone, you haven't been, but you had to figure it out along the way. You had to make decisions on your own. The Hallmark cards could never sum up the gratitude and respect that I have for that. You were the sole person I relied on growing up to always be my shoulder to cry on, the one who made me feel better, the one who knocked sense into when I needed it, the one I could always fall back on, and the one who always believed in me. You never complained. You just did it, like a mom. You continue doing it everyday. Hopefully it's easier for you now, you made it through all the temper tantrums and bratty rebellious years. And look, I didn't turn out half bad either, right?

The way you made it through everyday with such grace is truly remarkable. You always put my needs before your own and you would never let a freak out or break down slip through the cracks. You successfully managed our little family, work, and all the individual events going on in your own life. I can hardly manage my own life alone as of now, so I can only imagine the struggle. Observing your perseverance over the years has taught me phenomenal lessons about work ethic, determination, and strength... not to mention love, friendship, and selflessness. You pulled off not only taking on the role of two parents but also my teacher, my best friend, and my inspiration.

In early elementary, when students are prompted with the question "who is your biggest hero?" The go-to answer is "Mommy" or "Daddy." While I may be grown now, you are still my greatest hero. You inspire me to be my own person, to work for the things I want, and to allow love into my life. Because of you, I want to be great. I can only hope to one day be half as great as you. I want to be the best version of myself because that is the way YOU raised me. What I want more than anything at this point is to simply make you proud. You are incredible.

Being a single parent was twice the work and twice the stress. However, I hope that I was able to provide you with twice the amount of hugs, kisses, and gratitude.

I love you,

Your Pride and Joy

 

From Rachel Marie Martin

"On Being a Single Mom"

Sometimes I wish I could just talk freely about what it is like to be a single parent.

I don’t like to. I like to hide, honestly, behind the cloak of busy. And I keep myself moving and moving and moving trying to numb those areas in life where I don’t really want to talk about.

And then sometimes I find myself looking at others and smiling and nodding and then thinking no one wants to hear about that, right? Where’s the joy? Isn’t it more interesting talking about the next project or holiday or what we’ll be making for dinner and smiling and nodding and doing the half interested wave at each other?

And then sometimes I stand in my room and I look around and I feel so utterly and completely alone.

I deal with so many questions all the time.

Not from the world.

From me.

Are you insane? Why weren’t you worth it? Your kids will hate you forever. Why didn’t you try harder? You don’t measure up? What will you do? How will you make ends meet? What if you are alone the rest of your life? What do they think of you? 

And I just get lost in those moments of self pity.

So I thought that instead of just thinking thinking about what it’s like and wishing that people understood, that perhaps I would just write about this part of life. Maybe you’re a single mom. Or not. But chances are you know one (or a dad) and one of the biggest things that I deal with is feeling alone and misunderstood.

Different.

Like I don’t measure up in the world’s hierarchy of love, success, and awesomeness in life. After all, most happily ever after love stories don’t end up the way my life ended up. But but but I’ve come to realize that just because life doesn’t have all the glitter and perfectness that it doesn’t negate the beauty, purpose, joy, or wonderfulness that can saturate a life.

So I decided to write my heart, from me to all of you, in the hopes that it blesses you or gives you a glimpse into the world of being a single mom.

Here goes.

It’s a struggle. It’s lonely. You deal with guilt and wonder and hope and lots and lots and lots of work. You deal with jealousy and feeling like you’re not worth being loved or fighting for.  You deal with going out with other couples and feeling like the odd one out. Or you deal with sitting at a restaurant with couples for your 40th birthday and the waiter asking you now who are you with? and you say, with a broken smile on your face it’s just me.

Because that’s what single parenting is. It’s a whole lot of just me moments in life.

It’s easy to judge from the outside. It’s easy to say that you always look sad or that the person messed up or all of that. Don’t judge. Please please please don’t judge. Judging doesn’t make us stronger as a human culture. Judging divides.

Instead love.

Give. Listen. Have empathy. Give a hand. Take the kids at times.

But really really just love and be there.

I look at my life and from the outside to the world it could look like a crazy mess and that I have so much to do and you know what? It really truly is – the lots to do and manage part but not the crazy mess part. It may be crazy but it doesn’t automatically equal a mess.

Life can be redeemed.

Now know that there are hard things. Like the truth that there really isn’t a moment where there are breaks – there isn’t the opportunity to roll over and hit snooze or to get sick and get back up. There are moments of tears and I hate you’s and just a whole lot of hard work.

I could dwell on all of that. But the reason I tell you that is this – if someone who is single and parenting on their own or having a huge burden to carry no matter what the reason don’t tell them that you have that too. Because until you’re faced with always making dinner and sitting in teacher conferences alone you don’t understand the real weight of sitting in a home all alone at night. And sometimes the I understand comments actually hurt worse because even if they’re good and full of intentions it’s really really hard to understand the day in and day out and day in out lonely that can happen.

So listen. Love. Let the tears fall when they need to.

So now, this cannot be a downer post. And it’s not going to be. Trust me. This is about being real and finding joy and living a life with intention and not sitting in muck and despair and self-pity. That doesn’t get us anywhere. That keeps us stuck.

So we move bravely onward and forward making hard choices and being determined to see beauty in ordinary.

In fact one of the biggest thing I’ve learned in my journey is the power of friendship. I’ve learned how people stand up and how people who I thought were friends hide and disappear. I’ve learned that there are those in my life who are available at all hours. Be one of those friends. Don’t be a friend who doesn’t want to get in the dirt with that other person. Love them.

Give grace.

That’s one last thing. Give grace for moments of tears. Even if the situation is better and right for them. Give grace. There is still a moment – a releasing of the Hallmark dreams of life and 43rd anniversaries and someone to laugh with when your kids do something crazy – that is lost just a bit. So grace matters so so so much.

Just don’t disappear.

Be there. Love them. Support them. Don’t exclude.

Do you know that in the last couple of years I’ve discovered a strength that I didn’t know I had? I realized that I can stay caught up on laundry and dishes and that I can do this. It’s really really really hard but I’m a fighter.

That’s what I tell myself every morning when my alarm goes off at 6:30am and I had gone to bed at 1am because I was working so that I can pay for all the things that need to be payed for and so that I can spend $5.99 on a MineCraft book at the school book fair just because. You know why?

I love my kids.

I love my kids fiercely.

We all love our kids. 

So friends. Those are my words. Am I an unhappy person? No. Not at all. I was just told that I seemed unhappy – but you see it was a judgment made on the surface not a real get to know you in the dirt there for you statement. Do you know that I’m happy? And I’ve learned about life and real deep joy. I’ve been made to come face to face with myself and wrestle my own fears. And I’ve learned the power in the words I matter and I am enough and bravery.

That’s what I want you to walk away with.

Not pity.

But rather camaraderie.

After all we all want to raise our children to be amazing.

We’re stronger united. 

~Rachel

 


How are you celebrating Mother's Day this year?

 

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I wanna be the very best like no one ever was. Couponing is my real test, to cut them is my cause. I will travel across the land, searching far and wide. Each store to understand, the discounts that's inside.

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