Listen, we all want to improve our lives. It's human nature, or whatever. But do you know what improvements take? Effort. So, lazy people, rejoice! We have the top 10 easy, effortless, and lazy-approved ways to improve your life. Disclaimer: money required. Here's our list of lazy-tastic quick fixes to improve your life. Eat your heart out, type-A's:
An electric toothbrush is the ultimate lazy person staple. You don't even have to move that thing around. Just add toothpaste and hold it up to your teeth. Tooth-brushing done. As for flossing...um, we'll do that tomorrow.
Have you ever thought to yourself, "hey, I should go get fresh flowers from the farmer's market every Sunday to brighten up my apartment and add some nature to this drab Ikea hell-hole"? Sure, we all have. But see, flowers die. And you have to water them. That sounds like effort. Need an easy fix? Buy fake flowers. Sure, people will get suspicious when you have had the same flowers for 4 months and yeah, they look fake up close, but who cares. They will get the job done. Nature, conquered.
So this is definitely not the earth-friendly option but it is the lazy-tastic option. See, doing dishes takes time and effort, and sometimes you even touch gross wet food. Let's be real - that can ruin even the best of days. Instead, just stock up on paper plates, plastic utensils and disposable cups. This way, when you're done eating there won't be a dirty dish in sight. Just toss them thangs in the garbage and you are good to go. Sorry, mother nature.
Massages are relaxing. Who doesn't want to go to a spa and drink cucumber water while listening to soothing whale sounds? That sounds like an empirically good time. But sometimes you're lazy (okay, most of the time, but you get our point) and you still want to relax. Why not get yourself one of these convenient, albeit off-looking (strange looking) head scratchers and self-massages? Easy relaxation, whale sounds optional.
Want to feel futuristic and channel the Jetson's while also getting chores done in the easiest way possible? Of course! So invest in laundry detergent and dishwasher pods. Yes, pouring a liquid or powder doesn't seem like a lot of work but these pods will save you time, effort and maybe even sticky hands. Pop one in and you're good to go, no brain power required. Keep them right by their respective machine to make things even easier. You're welcome.
Now this will be quite an investment, but even by lazy-person standards, it will be worthwhile. Do you ever tell yourself you're going to read more? Rhen you find yourself watching a Master Chef finale until you fall asleep? We've all been there (Gordon Ramsey is sooooo entertaining, but why is he so mean?! Look, we all love to see Gordon Ramsey yell at people). The Kindle Paperwhite is an easy fix. Get access to thousands of books immediately. No bookstore required. Just buy the book you want and get it instantly. You can also highlight, look up words, and it's safe to read before bed (it won't disrupt your sleep). All in all, the Paperwhite is a win for lazy people worldwide.
I like tanning. but you know what i like more? The internet. So in order to look like a sun-kissed goddess (without ever leaving my house) I use self-tanning lotion. Take that, tanning.
Ok, so a micro purse is a word I just made up. But you get the idea: a tiny purse. Benefits: it's not so heavy, it carries everything you need and you will not lose any small or large objects in it! A tiny purse is a lazy person's best friend because it cuts out of all the nonsense and keeps all the functionality. This year let's make micro purses a thing (unless you are rich enough for a Birkin bag and then all bets are off).
Did you know that Amazon Subscribe & Save is the best thing to happen to humanity in thousands of years? Okay well, technically that is a personal opinion but who amongst us would care to disagree? I'm sure soon the scientific data will back up this controversial 100% personal opinion of mine. Anyway, Amazon Subscribe & Save is awesome because it gives you a discounted price on just about anything and everything your heart desires. Plus, you can set weekly or monthly shipments and shipping is F-R-E-E yes you read that correctly and you're welcome. Need toilet paper, tooth paste, or a 10-pack of stick-on rhinestones every month? Amazon's got you covered. And soon they will have drones. So let's bow to our future overlords.
Have you been looking for a lazy way to improve your brain, problem-solving and cognition? Sure you have, but those over the counter supplements from China really aren't cutting it anymore. Sudoku is the ultimate lazy person's game. All you need to know is the numbers 1-9 and you're good. Get this on an app, pocket Sudoku book or go crazy and get both! Play this whenever you have downtime or when your ADD is really acting up and your brain will you.
What have we learned? That being lazy is great. That we can still improve our lives despite lack of effort and forethought and that Amazon will one day rule us all. Now head out and get yourself a micro purse, put a pocket Sudoku in it and put on tanning lotion like you aren't vitamin D deficient.
Good day to you all and may your laziness reign on!