My mother sent me this short story that I wrote for English Class when I was 11 (yes, she saves EVERYTHING). I love reading stories written by children because it always makes me smile! Although it is certainly not anything worthy of publication, it made me laugh so I thought I'd share it with you guys, courtesy of my 11 year old self :) I know it has nothing to do with deals or expertise, but I thought it was a little bit cute (and slightly weird...I guess I was a pretty weird kid. lol)
The Limburger Princess
Long ago in the Swiss land of Gruyere lived a King named Monterey Jack and his three daughters, Cheddarita, Fontina, and Limburger. Cheddarita and Fontina were beautiful maidens and every man in the kingdom craved these gorgeous princesses. Cheddarita was a sharp girl. Some considered her spoiled, but she knew how to get what she wanted. Fontina was cultured, tender, and sweet. She always wanted the best for others. The two girls longed to marry one of the many suitors that called upon them but they could not because of an unbreakable law established many generations ago. The law stated that the eldest, and heir to the throne, must be married before any younger princes or princesses. Well, if you think marrying off a princess seems like such a simple task, you have never met the Limburger Princess.
You see, when Limburger was born, an evacuation was called for all villagers. The stench was so unbearable that all the local crops were killed, as well as most of the livestock and even some of the farmers, or so goes the story the parents tell their young children to trick them into bathing. Luckily, Limburger's mother, Brie, was born without her sense of smell and was mostly unaffected. Her eyes would tear up when she held Limburger. This was probably because it pained her to see her daughter being treated so unfairly although perhaps it was just her body's reaction to the odor. King Monterey Jack was very upset. He always wanted a son, a little Co-Jack, but ended up with a daughter, and a disgusting one at that. He demanded his wife give the child away but she refused. His anger caused him to dispose of his wife by claiming her visa was past its expiration date. He quickly married again and Limburger soon had two half-sisters.
King Monterey Jack placed the aging Limburger Princess in a tower 10 miles from his kingdom, past the Fondue river and Feta Forest. She was cared for by various villagers who received this task as a punishment for theft. The village was spared of her stench, except on very humid days when the wind was blowing east. Limburger liked to sit by the window and watch the horses run free across the meadow. She wished to someday be able to run with the horses and sing with the birds. She did not care much for people, but that was probably because she was surrounded by criminals who thought she was disgusting. She knew she was hideous from her reflection in the puddles after it rained but she was used to being ignored and unloved.
One day, a prince named Queso Blanco rode into the kingdom to ask Monterey Jack for Cheddarita's hand in marriage. Kind Monterey Jack was immediately impressed by Prince Queso Blanco. He was everything the king longed for in a son and would make a fine King someday. The king sadly informed Queso that he would have to marry Limburger because of the law. Queso did not like this idea but was willing to make the sacrifice for the kingdom. The whole town celebrated and an engagement party was thrown at the palace. The festivities went on until dawn and everyone attended. Everyone, that is, except Limburger. She was not even aware of her fate which, as you will soon discover, is much more pungent than the Princess.
Fontina, the King's youngest daughter, was retiring to her chamber when she heard her father and Queso Blanco nearby. She decided to bid them goodnight before going to bed until the heard the topic of conversation. The King was helping Queso devise a plan to dispose of the Limburger Princess immediately following the wedding.
"I only wish we could do it before the ceremony! I cringe when I think of how her stench might affect my tapestries," said the king
Fontina quickly took a horse from the stable and road as quickly as she could to the tower. She had never met Limburger, but couldn't bear the thought the Prince slicing away at her poor older sister. Fontina called for her sister at the foot of her tower. Confused, Limburger rushed to the door. The guards were "shredded" from partaking in all the festivities of the evening and did not notice. The stench made Fontina feel sick and, some say, immediately turned her hair a dull grey. She still embraced her sister and informed her of the plan.
"They will come for you in the morning so you must leave tonight," said Fontina, "I can't go with you but you can have my horse to travel far away.'
And with that, Fontina left the Limburger Princess and started back to the castle on foot. The horse approached her and had a look of pity in his eyes. He nuzzled her which shocked the princess for, other than her mother, she had never experienced love. Limburger thought of which way to go. She knew nothing of the outside world and would be detected immediately because of her odor. She cried, something she had never done before and, as a tear hit the grass, a potion labeled "poison" appeared. She saw this magic potion as a sign and decided to drink it. Nothing happened and Limburger decided to start walking. Now this poison would have killed any other person, but had a different effect with Limburger.
The Limburger Princess soon found a lake to have a drink and was shocked by her appearance. She was beautiful. Soon a man approached the lake. He was speechless and only stared at her beauty. As Limburger entered a town, she was given jewels, food, clothing, and attention simply because she was beautiful. She couldn't handle the attention and soon ran away with her horse, the only one who loved her as she really was. Limburger built a small cottage out of logs and blocks in the remote village of Feta. She remained there with her horse for many years. She was never sad or depressed and spent her days riding the horse and enjoying the blue cheese skies.
One cold wintry day, the horse fell ill. Limburger did not know what to do. She had no food for her horse and gave him her only blanket. For the second time in her life, the princess cried. As her tears fell upon the ground a potion labeled "wish potion" appeared. The princess decided it was her only option and drank the potion. She wished she would be able to provide for her horse and make him happy. As soon as she made her wish, she turned into a block of Limburger cheese and, lets just say that her hungry horse wasn't so hungry anymore and the Limburger Princess and her horse remained together forever...or at least for a few hours....